What happened?
by HalloweenPanda
Summary: Kenpachi wakes up with the biggest hangover. And something else. Someone is sleeping next to him. Who could it be? A total crack story. I don't know why I wrote it.


A thin ray of morning light shined upon Kenpachi Zaraki's scarred eye. Groaning in his sleep, he cracked an eye open at the persistent light, wishing the sun would just implode and go away. "Fuck off..." he growled, wanting to go back to sleep. But the stabbing pain behind his eyes throbbed painfully like a blade.

Heaving a sigh, the gigantic man sat up, wincing at the pounding in his head. It felt like a herd of menos grande had trampled over him. Glancing about the messy room, his blurry eyes took in the piles of empty sake bottles scattered about the room. Memories of the previous night began to filter through Kenpachi's head, but vanished from the awful hang over he was experiencing.

They were drinking last night. That's right. A party. With lots and lots of booze. Lots of it. Tons. That would explain the hangover he was feeling. But that didn't explain the other thing. Looking down himself, he found he was completely naked. How did that happen? Even his undergarments were missing. Well this didn't alarm him too much, since he sometimes slept naked.

Heaving a large yawn, he couldn't help but feel, well, good. Real good. Damn good. Fan-fuckin-tastically good.

Scratching his long, black hair, mussed from bed head, he tried to put it into words. Hmmmm... the best thing he could describe was, oh what the hell, like he had a really great fuck. But that couldn't be right. He merely shrugged. Yawning again, he blindly reaches around for something to toss on. His hand skims over the wrinkled bed sheets, knocking about the empty sake bottles. Now where did his uniform get to-... "Ah?" He touched something. Feeling a little more, he made out flesh. Feeling a little more, the flesh was attached to something more... like a... body... Turning his visible eye toward where his hand was, he saw that it was, indeed, a body beneath the covers. ...Did he kill someone again?

The answer would be a no, seeing as the sheets rose and fell with the sound of soft snoring. But why was someone asleep next to him? Knitting his brows together, the man tried to recall last night, but the throbbing hangover kept his memories at bay.

Holding his aching head in his hand, Kenpachi's nose wrinkled. The room reaked from the alcohol and something else... but he couldn't make it out... squid? And why was he all stick-... ! It was at that moment, his poor abused brain registered the information. The room reaked of sweat, booze, and squid. He was naked, and sticky with crust. There was someone sleeping next to him. He felt amazing.

Simple conclusion, he had sex.

But with who?

It couldn't have been a woman. Kenpachi didn't particularly care for those weak, frail creatures with overly fleshy parts. He got off a lot more deep in the heat of battle, between the brink of life and death, blood pouring from his wounds. Fuck yeah. Hotter than any bitch. That isn't to say, he liked guys. Well, he enjoyed fighting with strong opponents, not that he wanted to fuck em' afterward.

Eying the sleeping form beneath the covers, he could make out the slender, yet toned form. So it was a guy.

For some reason knowing this more or less depressed the captain. Great. He had drunk sex with some random guy after getting wasted. Yup, Ikkaku would never let him hear the end of it... 'Oh fuck...' What if he did it with Ikkaku!?

Kenpachi's hair stood on end. Yes, Ikkaku was one of his most loyal members, but that didn't mean he wanted to fuck the guy! Just the thought of that... The large man slumped over, nearly throwing up.

'Alright head...' he mentally gruffed at himself, 'We hafta do some serious remembering of last night!' His pride depended on it!

Fighting the resounding aching in his head, he thought back to last night. They were having a party for some reason or other, not that they ever needed a reason to party. Already they were downing bottles of sake. Ikkaku and Yumichika were there, Yachiru had already gone to sleep. The others were laughing, fighting. Then someone stopped by? That's right, someone must have came... but then what? Who?

Cradling his head in his hands, the soul reaper groaned, feeling his memory blocked. Fuck. If only he could remember who it was.

An image of a certain orange haired substitute soul reaper flashed in his mind. Kenpachi's heart began to pound. But heaving a sigh, he casts his one eye down. That was impossible. There was no way it would be him.

At one point Kenpachi might have admitted he wanted him at one point. Hell, since the moment they met. But all that ended when he realized his heart belonged to someone else. During the battle at Hueco Mundo, the kid had ran to the aid of a blue haired espada bastard. It was the most painful thing he'd ever witnessed. More painful than any wound inflicked by the espada he had just defeated.

Now that he thought back on last night, he remembered he had went off to find the kid to invite to the party. But when he did, it nearly broke his heart.

He caught sight of him around the corner, but just as he was about to call out Kenpachi's heart stopped cold. Beautiful, powerful, unbridled, and wild. These things always described him... And even then he was all that... only in the arms of that blue haired espada.

Perhaps that was why he drank himself blind last night.

Blocking these depressing thoughts, he was still stuck with the current problem. Who the hell did he fuck?

Wracking his brains, Kenpachi tried with all his might to remember.

Let's see. He had just finished his sixteenth bottle of sake. Ikkaku and Yamichika were getting hot and heavy making out in the court yard, so either of those two were out. (Thank God.) The others were brawling, and singing loudly. Kenpachi was depressed and wandered away from the party. He must have been staggering down the hall, gulping down his jug, the clear sake dribbling down his chin.

And then... he met someone... They were discussing something...

And that was as far as Kenpachi could remember. All the rest was a complete black out.

Now that the headache was beginning to subside, it hadn't yet occurred to Kenpachi that all this time he could have just pulled back the bed sheets to see who it was. Well fuck. It wasn't his fault that booze made his head act funny.

The bed sheets beside the large man shifted and a soft moan resonated from under them. Seemed his bed companion was begging to wake up.

Kenapchi watched the form rise, the white sheets gently slipping away. And when the final inch of fabric fell, the large man's mouth hung open in shock. "... hah?" he grunted in disbelief.

Right before his eyes sat a very disheveled, very ravished Byakuya Kuchiki. "Ooooo. My head..." he groaned, holding his head in his hands. He glanced his bleary eyes at the fellow captain and stared; waiting for him to say something.

Kenpachi pulled the covers back over his head and went back to bed. Yup. He must still be drunk. Yup, yup, NO doubt about that.

Byakuya yanked back the covers, a very dark look darkening his usual stoic face. "Za-ra-ki..." he growled with enough viciousness to make a hollow cower. "Don't tell me you don't remember last night..." Kenpachi scratched his head, looking away to avoid any eye contact.

The usual stony faced, and well mannered, captain of squad six suddenly snagged a handful of the beastly man's hair and yanked his head over to look at him. Seemed the captain didn't handle hangovers so well.

Byakuya's blazed angrily into Kenpachi's. "Please do tell me that you remember." he sneered menacingly. "Please tell me that you remember I approached you in the hall to complain about the noise. But all you said was that men liked sake and to have fun, and slung your arm around my shoulder. I tried to pull away, but you just clung tighter looking at me, begging me to drink with you. So I went along and had a sip of sake with you in hopes of getting you to diffuse the rave that was going on. Yet what started as a few ounces, rapidly turned to gallons and I was on the verge of becoming drunk when all of a sudden you leaned in, your eyes fixated on me. When you told me I was a fucking sexy bitch, I was actually turned on by that gruffness."

'Did I really say something like that?' Kenpachi wondered.

Byakuya's eyes smoldered over heatedly. "I always thought you were some unrefined beast, but the way you looked at me, like a vicious predator, ready to eat me up, I snapped." The slender man's tongue darted out, smacking his lips into the larger man's face. Kenpachi's eyebrows shot up. Uuuuuummmm... Just who the fuck really initiated things?

The aristocrat panted, reminiscing the previous night's happenings. "I coaxed you back to your room, and had you eating out of the palm of my hand." Byakuya's eyes sparkled, his face turning to that of sheer bliss. "How primal and vicious it all was. Clawing and biting, and dominating. I thought I was going to go mad from that huge cock of yours... but then..." his warm, brimming eyes of passion suddenly turned cold and hateful, burrowing right into Kenpachi's. "Just as you were coming, you had the God damn **gall **to call me **ICHIGO**!"  
Now Kenpachi wasn't a man to cower or be afraid of, well, anything. But the way Byakuya was acting sort of made him... um... nervous?  
Byakuya continued to hold the larger soul reaper's face to his, practically snarling every little word. "I'm a thousand times more attractive than that Kurosaki brat. Plus more experienced, and sexually knowledgeable, and a FUCKING ARISTOCRAT!" Was he... pouting?  
The ranting resumed for a short while, but the slender man suddenly grew quite and looked at his stunned captive. His sophisticated gaze roamed over the large, bulging muscles. The deep battle scars carved into tan, tough skin, then lower down his massive form where the wrinkled sheets covered more tender areas. Releasing the man's hair, he slides his fingers along his strong jawline, cradling his face in his hands, tilting it back slightly to look into his visible eye. And then he smiled, ever so seductively. "Mmmmmmm. Instead of complaining like a child, perhaps I should demonstrate my skills..." He purred like a kitten, but his eyes glowed liked a beast in heat.  
Okay, NOW Kenpachi was nervous.  
Just as he opened his mouth to say something, Byakuya seized his lips in a harsh kiss. Kenpachi's protests were smothered by the slender man's forceful tongue. Usually he could have just tossed a guy Byakuya's size across the seireitei, but his movements were slightly sluggish due to the previous alcohol consumption.

'Oh!' his foggy mind clicked, '... oh God...' Byakuya had some real skill where kissing was concerned. Byakuya held the back of his head and smothered their mouths together, their tongues lashing wildly. Unconciously, the massive soul reaper leaned back onto his elbows while the six captain crept on top of hin, stradling his thick form. Distracting him with his kisses, Byakuya takes Kenpachi's hands and guided them to glide up and down his naked forn, his thickly caollised hands roughly stroking his soft skin. Already his cock was swollen with heat.

Breaking the kiss with a lustful pant, a thin stran of saliva connecting between their tongues, the suave aristocrat pulled the bed sheets away to reveal the larger man's dick. Kenpachi was slightly dizzy from what just happend that he didn't realize that the young captain had taken his still half erect rod and was running his tongue up and down the hot, tightening skin.

"So hot and thick even when not fully erect... deliciouse..." Byakuya smiled in a coy like way. "I just want to eat it up..." Lowering his mouth to the head of the penis, the beautiful man swallowed the enormous shaft. Kenpachi inhaled sharply as his cock was surrounded by a wet warmth that teasingly licked his underside while sucking on him like damn treat. He panted harshly, his lust rapily building up. Drool dribbled down his chin; unable to hold back his grunts of pleasure, his sharp canines making him look fierce yet arousing.

Byakuya was pleased and relaxed his jaw to allow the huge mass to slide all the way in. Already Kenpachi's demon like growls of pleasure were making him melt inside. Kenpachi tensed when he felt his throbbing organ be gulped even deeper. He didn't have the strength to thrust into his mouth. Byakuya momentarilly ceased his hot feasting long enough to slick up his fingers with saliva. Imediatly he reached his wet digits between his buttocks, rubbing the twitching hole that winked in anticipation. Teasing himself a little, Byakuya inserted a couple fingers, loosening himself up. Little by little he would increased the number, eagerly getting excited about what was in store.

Just as Kenpachi was feeling himself nearing the point of climax, the hot wetness was suddenly pulled away. Byakuya licked his swollen, bruised lips and gazed up at the demon of a captain. Turning over on his hands and knees, the slender man raised his hips, looking over his shoulder at the gruff creature. "I'm still clean from last night... Do you want to lick me nice and wet?" he mewed like a cat in heat, his fingers sqealching wetly in and out of himself.

Kenpachi's jaw slammed to the floor. Holy...fucking... shit! Was this the same Byakuya Kuchiki!?

But Byakuya was a little lost in thought to scold him for not imediatly doing as he asked. His eyes lowered to the engored organ that had him salvating. He could remember how it made him scream and had him begging for seconds. Unable to hold back a heart beat longer, the aristocratic soul reaper shoved the massive beast to the floor, stradling his massive form once again. He smiled sexually, his eyes their usual cool, but small sparks flickered within their depths. "Impale me with your sword, you demon god." he whispered seductivly.

What the fuck!? Kenpachi's head spun. Even though he was the one on top, why the hell did it feel that HE was really the one being taken!

Wrapping his fingers around the pulsing organ, Byakuya Kuchiki licked his swollen lips and sanks his hips onto the hard rod, piercing his insides with the flaming staff. Throwing his head back, he cried out in ecstacy, his mind nearly going blank from the sheer mass invading him. Kenpachi winced at the tightness that clenched around him. Feeling his instincts taking over, his hips rose up to sheath himself even more into the constricting depths.

Byakuya trembled, a gargled cry escaping deep from within his chest as tears filled his eyes. He was enormous, so hot. Crushing against his soft spot and setting his very soul ablaze. And then the beast moved, cause him to come hard.

With his back curved, only his arms barly supporting him, trying to catch his breath, Byakuya's member was still stiff and erect, already oozing a second helping. His face flushed from his orgasim, the beautiful acristocrat looked as if he was in a state of erotic paradise, tears streaming from his eyes. Kenpachi almosted blushed in embarassment at the way he looked.

"So intense. Just like the beast you are..." he sang in a romantically creepy way. Hoisting himself back up, he gave a sweet whimper at the feeling of the thick cock still rammed inside him which caused kenpachi to moan at the friction. "Ravige me, you demonic bastard. Shred me to pieces and pick my bones clean." he moewed lavishly. Kenpachi world cracked. Holy fucking shit. Oh yeah. He's gone.

Bracing his hands on Kenpachi's tightly muscled stomach, Byakuya rose his hips slightly, till just barely the head of the erect penis was still inside, before he sank them down with a snap, barking a sharp moan. Increasing the pace, his entire body was frantically bouncing up and down on the brute man's monster cock.

All of Kenpachi's thoughts vanished as he was swept away in a hurricane of lust. Byakuya rode him hard, and even began to swirl his hips to make his deep voice cry out and claw at the sheets. His slick manhood was repeatedly swallowed up and relishing in the sensation as sloppy wet slurping noises rang in unison to the sharp slapping of flesh to flesh. Suddenly his eye snapped opened when Byakuya's anus suddenly constricted so tightly it threatened to bite his cock off. He wanted to yell at him to slow down, but it was impossible to form words.

Byakuya rode the ferocious beast, tears streaking down his reddened face, mixing with the saliva that freely flowed from his mouth. Already his mind had gone completely mad as his eyes rolled heavenward. "Zaraki! Send me to the seventh circle of hell!" he bellowed, all sanity broken away.

Beyond the point to hold out anymore, Kenpachi grabbed Byakuya's hips and slammed him down on top of him with all his strength, his lust ready to burst. Byakuya's screamed with each deep impalment, his tongue hanging and eyes wide in ecstacy. And when he felt that mighty sword clash against his prostate once more, he was defeated. Clawing his nails into the sixth captain's stomach, Byakuya orgasimed. Hard. While Kenpachi exploded inside him.

Teetering between the slim brink of conciousness, Byakuya panted for air, still atop the sex beast. His limbs and body spasmed involentarily, recieving no response from his brain which was shut down in a sexual stupor.

Kenpachi groaned, feeling all warm and satisfied, slowly relaxing, his visible eye bluring. Seeing the golden light surround the man before him, he couldn't help but smile stupidly. "...Ichigo..." he mumbled tenderly.

A black thunder bolt clashed in the room. Kenpachi immediately regreted those last words.

Byakuya glared darkly at the man below him. "ZA-RA-KIIIIIIIIIIIII..." he growled like a hell hound, his gaze instantly killing everything within its vision. Kenpachi backed away just the inciest winciest bit from the demonic flames exuding from the captain of squad six.

Slamming his arms down on eitherside of him, with enough force to make every empty sake bottle jump, Byakuya prevented any further escape. "Hmmmm? Could you repeat that? I didn't quite catch that..." he spoke in such a charmingly sadistic voice with a smile that even a devil would run screaming from. "Seems we need to educate you some more till you get right. Let the lesson begin, Zaraki..."

The little heart at the end of his name was filled with sugar and broken glass.

Kenpachi broke out in a cold sweat. Was it too late to regret it wasn't Ikkaku?


End file.
